Courage: the quality of mind or spirit that enables a person to face difficulty, danger, pain, etc., without fear; bravery.
Courage is an odd thing. We all have it, but it is so different for each of us.
Why is it that some things are so easy for some and difficult for others? Do we have different "amounts" of courage? Are some of us just scared of everything in life? Courage is so personal. One thing that may seem completely silly to a person could be another person's worst fear.
I have common fears that all mothers/spouses have. I fear my children will be harmed in some way emotionally or physically and I can't do anything to prevent it. I fear my husband will die before me. I try to tell myself these fears are silly. If something does happen I can't change it and death is inevitable. I try to have courage to not dwell on these things. When my daughter comes home from school saying someone was mean to her, I try to have courage to comfort her and not put ideas in her head for retaliation (that is hard :) ).
I also have fears that are uncommon. I am afraid of getting old (maybe not so uncommon) even though I cannot change it.
I am afraid of losing my friends. I was an Army brat and had to move every two to five years growing up. I learned how to make friends fast. Unfortunately, I also learned how to lose them fast. I have lived in the same town now for seven years. I have good friends, but if I moved away or stopped calling I don't think their world would stop. I don't have someone that I call whenever something amazing or heartbreaking happens. I wish that I did, but I don't have the courage to face rejection. My husband is there and "listens" as best he can, but there are some things that men just don't understand. My friends from school live all over the country and are in completely different phases of life than I am. We have lost touch and when we do talk it is about the weather and other awkward conversation staples.
I guess the one thing I never learned was how to maintain a friendship. I wish I had the courage to learn. I am afraid to put myself out there and have no one reciprocate the feeling.
I have all the courage in the world to meet new people, take care of my family and try new things. But asking someone to be my "bestie" crosses some barrier that I have put around myself.
I am searching for a way to break that barrier and the courage to face what's on the other side.