Saturday, May 29, 2010


I want to preface this by saying I think ALL relationships fall into this type of situation. I love my hubby and I am very happy. This is just something I have been thinking about lately.

Are relationships really equal? We are supposed to be partners. Partners that share all responsibility 50/50, right? I have yet to meet a relationship that is like that. There is always one person that gives more than the other. No offense to the men out there, but it seems to be the women that compromise themselves more.

Marriage is difficult. It needs to be worked at, but when one person is doing so much and the other seems to be not doing as much is that how it should be?

For example, in my marriage... My husband and I both work full time jobs. I work at night until 1 AM so we can avoid paying childcare. I then have to wake up at 7 AM to get my daughter to school, feed the kids, take the dog out etc. I stay home with my son all day, do the laundry, dishes, make dinner (most nights), take the dog out again, work in the garden... the list goes on and on.

My husband gets home at 4:30 PM. I usually have dinner started or close to done. He has to feed the kids and put them in bed for the night. This hardly seems like a 50/50 situation. But I do it... WE do it. It works for us. I also balance the checkbook and pay all the bills. My husband will openly admit that if I died he would have no idea what our bills are.

Maybe it is an ALPHA dog situation... there can only be one.

As a woman though am I molding my husband to know I will just do everything? For example, the laundry... I HATE putting laundry away. It is the bane of my existence. So, my hubby and I do a little dance. I will wash all the laundry and put it on the floor beside the bed on HIS side. There it sits sometimes for weeks. He says he will put it away, but it never happens. He knows that I will eventually break down and do it... and I ALWAYS do. Why do I torture myself with unfolded/unhung laundry for weeks when I know I will do it anyway? Did I do this to myself because I pampered my husband? Have I created this habit?

The other side of the coin is ME. Am I giving things up to handle all of this? Should I delegate some of this responsibility to him? Would I be able to spend more time with my kids? Take up a hobby? And if I could delegate would I just let him do it? Or would I micro-manage him?

I wish there was an easy answer to this...

1 comment:

  1. If you find that answer, please let me know...

    I remember a time when my husband used to come to my apartment and do my dishes for me. When he didn't even live with me. Now, I think he has developed an allergy to even putting his dirty dishes next to the sink!

    I stopped doing the dishes once. It was before we had kids and it was just the two of us still. I let them pile up for two weeks. I was so frustrated that I was in tears. He just absolutely wouldn't do it. He'd wash the bowl he needed and nothing else.

    I don't know what changed. I remember this being a turning point, where all of a sudden I felt like I was doing more than he was. And it was conveniently right after we got married.

    I tell myself, he makes up for it by doing big, "manly" chores like fixing the car and moving heavy stuff. But it doesn't feel like that much, because those things don't happen every day.

    I think our society still socializes us to view women as the "homemaker," whether she works or not. It's frustrating, but still I don't know a solution, especially when our husbands just breeze through, thinking we're up tight if we try to address it. that I've written a comment as long as your post (sorry)...I feel your pain!