Compromise?

I want to preface this by saying I think ALL relationships fall into this type of situation. I love my hubby and I am very happy. This is just something I have been thinking about lately.

Are relationships really equal? We are supposed to be partners. Partners that share all responsibility 50/50, right? I have yet to meet a relationship that is like that. There is always one person that gives more than the other. No offense to the men out there, but it seems to be the women that compromise themselves more.

Marriage is difficult. It needs to be worked at, but when one person is doing so much and the other seems to be not doing as much is that how it should be?

For example, in my marriage... My husband and I both work full time jobs. I work at night until 1 AM so we can avoid paying childcare. I then have to wake up at 7 AM to get my daughter to school, feed the kids, take the dog out etc. I stay home with my son all day, do the laundry, dishes, make dinner (most nights), take the dog out again, work in the garden... the list goes on and on.

My husband gets home at 4:30 PM. I usually have dinner started or close to done. He has to feed the kids and put them in bed for the night. This hardly seems like a 50/50 situation. But I do it... WE do it. It works for us. I also balance the checkbook and pay all the bills. My husband will openly admit that if I died he would have no idea what our bills are.

Maybe it is an ALPHA dog situation... there can only be one.

As a woman though am I molding my husband to know I will just do everything? For example, the laundry... I HATE putting laundry away. It is the bane of my existence. So, my hubby and I do a little dance. I will wash all the laundry and put it on the floor beside the bed on HIS side. There it sits sometimes for weeks. He says he will put it away, but it never happens. He knows that I will eventually break down and do it... and I ALWAYS do. Why do I torture myself with unfolded/unhung laundry for weeks when I know I will do it anyway? Did I do this to myself because I pampered my husband? Have I created this habit?

The other side of the coin is ME. Am I giving things up to handle all of this? Should I delegate some of this responsibility to him? Would I be able to spend more time with my kids? Take up a hobby? And if I could delegate would I just let him do it? Or would I micro-manage him?

I wish there was an easy answer to this...

Complete Frustration...

The day started like any other... birds chirping, kids screaming... the usual. I thought to myself today is going to be a good day. I can relax a little in the morning. Get Katy off to school. Timmy and I will hang out, do the laundry and dishes all that good stuff.

It started out OK. Then it seemed to get progressively worse. The catalyst to the bad day was when my son decided he needed to have some yogurt. Not just any yogurt, but the yogurt behind a whole bunch of other stuff in the fridge. Of course he didn't tell me he wanted any yogurt. I was changing the laundry over in the other room when I heard water. Why am I hearing water?! I run into the kitchen, and it isn't water. It is a 2 quart pitcher full of juice spilling all over the inside of my fridge and on my floor. Timmy is standing there dumbfounded. I scream at him (which I will admit now was a little harsh, but WTF?!). He starts to cry because I yelled and because he is  dripping with orange juice. Ok... step one, get some f-ing towels and attempt to clean up the juice from the floor, I can deal with the fridge later. Shit! It is under the fridge. Ok, no clue how to deal with that, put it on the back burner. Step 2, get the screaming kid to calm down and get in the bathtub. Of course this takes a millennium because he is sopping wet and doesn't like to touch his wet clothes. Disrobe, waters too hot, adjust, waters too cold, ok just right. Pour in some bubbles... "I DON'T WANT BUBBLES!!!" Ok, scope out the bubbles. Step 2 complete. Step 3 back to the kitchen while kid is in tub (bad mommy left him in there alone, he would splash if he were drowning right?). Three full size bath towels soaked in juice. I swear it was only 2 quarts! Check on the boy, grab the mop, run some hot water and mop up the floor.

By this point I don't even want to look in the fridge. My hubby is due home for lunch soon, got to heat that up, get Timmy out of the tub and dressed. So, I do that and make lunch. My husband walks in and I don't remember the first thing I said, but I was so pissy by that point I am sure it wasn't nice. We eat lunch, Paul leaves. Ok, play with Tim get him tired then nap... that's all I have to do and then I can clean out the sticky fridge.

Luckily, the rest of my day went smoothly, but I never got my attitude turned around. That small event changed my attitude for the whole day. Thinking about it now it still makes me a little upset. Why can't my son listen to me and not get into the fridge. He knows he is supposed to ask. BUT he is 3 (will I still be saying this when he is 4?).

When my daughter got home from school. She came into the kitchen, helped me unload the dishwasher, and helped me clean out the 2 remaining shelves I had to do in the fridge. She was very helpful and I am grateful.

Man! It feels good to get that off my chest :)

Fall in love all over again…

Today my family went to see the 4th Shrek movie. It was very cute and entertaining like all the others. But this one seemed to hit a little closer to home for me and my hubby. Sorry if this spoils the movie for anyone… The plot of the story is Shrek is frustrated by his life, he doesn't know who he is anymore (Amen Shrek!). So, he has a bad day and has a fight with his wife. He runs in to Rumpelstiltskin and drinks too much, ends up signing a contract to change one day of his life. Basically, it ends up being like "It’s a wonderful life," a you don't know what you got 'til it's gone theme. While Shrek is in his one day as an ogre romp he has to make Fiona fall in love with him again.

There is a line in the movie (yes, I realize I am quoting a cartoon ;) ) where Shrek says, the best part about today was I got to fall in love with you all over again. I have to admit I teared up at this. Later when we were leaving the theater my hubby asks if I cried. I said no, but I did tear up. He admitted he teared up too which is not something common for my man.

I guess my point is that we here in reality don't have the ability to relive our lives. We are in the present, no time travel option available. We need to look at every day and search to find the little things that make us fall in love again. With our friends, family and spouses. There are little things that annoy me to know end about my husband. I can probably make a whole list, but there are little things that I adore too.
I want to fall in love with him every day.

Kicking my ASS!!

So, I am starting this new workout regime. I am finished having kids and now determined to lose some weight... okay, a LOT of weight. I have 110 pounds to lose to be at my goal weight. I know I can do it, but it is so hard.

Against my own will I started today. I am doing Jillian Michaels' training. She is from the biggest loser. She had a weight problem in the past and her program is very straight forward. To lose weight burn more calories than you take in. Seems easy enough. Her circuit training is HARDCORE. I started today and wow... I am having trouble typing this because I am so shaky.

She starts off "easy." I didn't know how out of shape I was until I couldn't jumprope for 1 minute straight! I know it will get easier. I just hope that I don't fail AGAIN.

My hubby is trying to help. And that is great motivation. Anyone out there trying to do this too?

YES!

I love this topic because it just happens to fall right around my anniversary.

My husband and I have been married 7 years this past Monday. It reminds me of how our relationship started.

We met in July starting a new job together. By September we were dating. More out of necessity than readiness we moved in together in October. That was fast! I was panicking. Then in December we found out I was pregnant (while on birth control). I was only 19. This CANNOT be happening. My life was over. Paul didn't seem to be as worried as I was, but he is 5 years older. Maybe he was ready?

"What are we going to do?" I asked him. I completely thought an abortion was in the cards. I was too young to have a baby and not prepared. Obviously on birth control, I did not want to have a baby.

"We'll keep it and raise it together. We'll get married" he said.

WHAT?! No way. I am too young for all of this. And I don't want some guy I barely know to marry me out of obligation.

We stayed in a limbo for a while. I didn't say anything to him about what I was thinking. More and more, I fell in love with him.

We didn't tell our family either. I was too scared of my parents reaction to the news.

I decided to keep the baby. While I was waiting to make a decision I had bonded with my baby. I couldn't see it our feel it yet, but there was a bond. I told Paul that I wanted it. We started thinking of names. I told him I didn't want him to marry me out of obligation. He said he loved me. I loved him too.

We told our parents. They weren't thrilled, but happier when they found out we were getting married.

We went to Oklahoma to visit his family. That is where he officially proposed to me. With a ring he borrowed from his mom. He got down on one knee and asked me to be his wife. I cried and said YES!!!

Our wedding was small and thrown together last minute because our moms didn't want us getting married at the JOP. My mom walked me down the aisle (6 months pregnant) because my dad was deployed in Iraq.

When it came my turn to say "I do" I hesitated. I wasn't even aware of this, but watching the video later and hearing people's recollection of the wedding it was certain; I hesitated. I was worried that this was still out of obligation to the baby in my belly, not out of love. But, I said Yes!

We have been married ever since all because I chose "Yes." He is amazing and loving and cherishes me and the kids. I cannot even imagine what my life would be if I hadn't said YES.

I lust for time...

All I want is more time with you. Is that too much to ask? The kids are playing and screaming in the other room, but all I want is to lay here with you for a little while longer. I love to laugh and talk with you. I love to kiss you slowly and sweetly. Even the little "pecks" from your lips can send shivers down my spine. Just a little more time?

Let's just escape! Leave the kids with a friend or family and go. Remember when we took our cruise? We could rush to our room and make love whenever the urge took us... and it did frequently ;) Let's do that again.

I crave you. I just want to be lost in you... but time... time is not our friend. The kids are 20 feet away and we have responsibilities. So, lock the door and take advantage of me, of the 10 minutes that we can claim as ours. Take me and let me drown in you.

 I love you.

Memory...

I always find it odd how an event can be so important, stuck in the front of someones mind, but another person who was there can barely recall the day. What made it so important to one and not the other?

 I have a friend from high school who remembers this day we went to Chicago. We lived in the suburbs so it wasn't a big deal, but we were without parents a group of us all driving by this point. So in that respect it was memorable. We went to FAO Schwartz. Up to this point I remember it all. Apparently, we tried on hats and played on the piano that you walk on. I cannot recall this. There are even pictures of us in the crazy hats!!! I look at them and haven't the faintest recollection. She remembers this time as fun and I can't even remember putting on the hats. What made that day so memorable for her, but not for me?

I had a similar situation the other night. My husband and I had our good friends over. We have know them for about 6 years now. We have boys that are close in age. We were listening to 80's music and I had this memory. We had been at a Christmas party about 4 years back for the place where our hubbies worked. At the time we didn't really know each other very well, but a song was played at the party. It was "I think we're alone now" by Tiffany. My friend and I were singing the song and basically had the same "dance moves." I started talking about this while they were over last week (maybe the music brought back the memory). Anyway, they had no recollection of the event. Even my husband didn't know what I was talking about! I think for me that was the first bonding moment for us. I hadn't ever spent time with her even though our husbands were always together. It was the start of our friendship.

Memory works in mysterious ways...