Finding Balance

I seem to have a hard time finding balance. The perfect feeling between work, family, and free time. I seem to always have too much of one and not enough of another. This imbalance always leads to frustration and depression. Some people seem to have it alltogether. Are we all really that different? Or are some of us just better at acting like everything is perfect?

Cannonball Read

I have decided to read more this year. I was discussing this with my best friend, Jennie, and she said she new someone that did the "Cannonball Read" reading a book a week. I was intrigued and thought I would give it a shot. I did a little internet digging and found their blog site. I love this idea! You can read any books you want and then write a review on them. The books only have to be 100 pages long minimum and even audio books count. I encourage all of you readers out there to sign-up. The site is pretty nice and I enjoy reading the other posters reviews.

I have also joined Goodreads. This is kind of a social networking site for readers. I am always looking for something good to read and find that when I take recommendations from other people I read things I normally wouldn't. Which can be good and bad...

I will make sure to post my book reviews here.

Happy Reading!

Bars, Bunco and Book clubs

I will preface this with... I love Bunco and book clubs.

I was at work the other day talking to some friends. One of them had mentioned going out to a bar this weekend. It got me thinking... "when was the last time I have been to a bar?" The last time was with my best friend, Jennie. We didn't go out to party, dance or pick up guys. We went out to have a few drinks, bitch about our husbands and talk about our kids. Very few sentences I utter don't have the word "husband" or "child" in them. This last time was a few months ago, so in reality it hasn't been too long. Then I asked myself "when was the last time I have been asked to go to a bar?" This is a VERY big distinction. I am 28, that isn't too old, right? I can go to bars and go out dancing... can't I? My friends are split about 50/50. 50% married with kids and 50% single or married with no children. 

It got me thinking.... maybe when you become a mother you start producing some kind of pheromone that deters people from asking you to go to a bar. "Hey Amanda, you want to go to a bar.... wait I smell milk, cookies, and baby vomit. Nevermind." If I were to tell my husband or my friends I felt like going out dancing and drinking the reply would be... "But your a mother!" (Enter shocked voice inflection here). I have no lack of people asking me to play Bunco, join a book club or go to a Pampered Chef party (see my above preface... I love you all). What is the deal?!

Even as I read this to my husband to make sure it is witty enough... he responded with "Why would you want to go to a bar?"

SERIOUSLY?! 

My response to him is simply... when did I become too old, or to "mommy" to go? Where did my pre-child, dance-loving self go? Was it me that changed or was it everyone's perception of me? I may never know.

**By the way I am looking for a good book club :)

My Parent's Mortality

It has been a while.... I had started working on this entry during the summer and I am finally prepared to share it.

A little over a month ago my dad was in a car accident. He was rear-ended by a truck when he was at a complete stop. He was slammed into another car that was stopped in front of him. So, he ended up crushed in between the two vehicles. My mom texted me to let me know what had happened. I was in an instant panic. Is he ok? What happened? Is he out of the car? Are you going to the ER? I was at work when I got the message and was visibly upset.

All I could think about was that my dad might die. I don't know how to live in a world where my dad is dead.

He is fine :) but it really worried me. Then I realized that some day I may be in a world where my parents aren't. How do I deal with that?

I have friends that have lost parents. I don't know how they function. I know that I can go to my mom and ask her any question and she will give me an answer... sometimes not the answer I want... she is my mother after all, but an answer nonetheless.

My dad and I have always had a close relationship. He is the type of dad that will listen to you, but not give you a knee jerk reaction. He will ponder what you have said, sometimes to the point that you wonder if he even remembers the conversation (we are talking days people), and then give you an answer that is well thought out and full of love and understanding.

When you have amazing parents it is hard to ever imagine being without them. So, if that or when that day comes how do you function? I still don't have an answer and I don't think I will get one any time soon. I am going to try to cherish the time all of us have together and try to be the best parent I can be to my children because they will have these questions some day too.

Exciting stuff!

My husband and I have been struggling with potty training our 3 year-old son, Timothy. We would go back and forth between undies and pull-ups and utter frustration. I really think we were confusing the poor kid.

Yesterday we had to go buy more pull-ups. I always hate doing this because even the off brands are expensive. With a huge sigh, I purchased the Target brand pull-ups (my fav) and said to myself... I will only use these at night.

Now, I have said this before, but always ended up putting him in pull-ups all day. Essentially they were just another diaper (they had a jazzier name though). But yesterday I stuck to it! I took him out of his pull-up when we got home and told him, "You are a big boy, so I am going to put you in underwear. You know what that means, right?" To which he replied, "I have to go pee-pee and poo-poo in the potty." OK, concept down.

I was hesitant. I even got the rug cleaner out to clean up accidents. I kept asking him, "do you have to go potty?" The answer was always the same... NO! But he didn't have an accident.

Later that day, I was folding laundry and I heard the bathroom door open. I peeked around the corner to see who it was. It was Timmy. I didn't want to scare him, so I stayed where I was and listened in case he needed me. I heard him lift the toilet seat (excitement) and then pee!!! OMG. I waited until he was done and walked over to him, got down on one knee and said... "I am SO proud of you. You went pee-pee all by yourself. You are such a big boy." He looked at me and smiled and said "I am a big boy." I swear he gave me the biggest hug. It was definitely a proud mommy moment.

The rest of the day he didn't have a single accident. I really think that he is getting the hang of it. And with mommy and daddy's support he will get very confident in his ability.

:D

Day 1: Perfect Wife

So, I barely got through half of my list today. I took the kids to the park with my best friend and that was a lot of fun. She always seems to ground me. I can let everything out and she won't just agree with me, but give me something constructive that I can work with.

I made it home from the park before my husband got home for lunch and was able to make lunch by the time he walked in the door. I did the dishes (well.... the big stuff /blush) and some of the laundry.

Here come my excuses:

I didn't sleep well last night. I ended up having to take something to fall asleep, but that wasn't until 3am. I woke up at about 7:30 and fed the kids and we went to the park. When we got home... I took a nap. Just saying it makes me realize how much I could have gotten done during that nap.

Eventually I will get over this and write about something else ;)

Mission Possible?: Become a PERFECT Wife...

Ok. I am not entirely sure this is possible, but I am going to try to become the "perfect wife." That's right! Perfect. The only problem is, I am not sure what that entails. So, I open the floor to all of you.

Here is my background... I have a full time job, but I work at night so I can maintain the household and take care of the kids. I manage the money and do most of the cooking.

I know perfection isn't going to happen overnight. So, here are my goals for tomorrow:

1. Deep Clean the kitchen and bathrooms.
2. Dishes
3. Laundry
4. Take the kids to the park
5. Make lunch and have it ready when my husband walks in the door for his lunch break
6. Make dinner and have it cooking when my husband gets home and I leave for work
7. Put up the shelves in my bedroom
8. Flirt via text with my hubby all day to make him feel special

That is all I have so far... I hope I can fit it in and stay sane.  I will follow-up tomorrow night and let you know how it goes.

In case you are curious about what brought this on... my husband and I had the oddest fight today. It really wasn't even a fight, it was just him being insecure. So, I feel guilty because he thinks he isn't enough of a man for me. Of course I tell him he is more than enough (which is true) and that I love him with all of my heart. Then I think, maybe I am not enough of a woman. I know I have talked about this before, but it is one of those things that just gets under my skin and bugs me. I CAN be doing more, therefore, I SHOULD be doing more.

Everyday my hubby gets home and I can see the look of disappointment on his face because the house isn't clean. Sometimes I want to SCREAM at him that I work the same number of hours that he does, and I do it at night. I wake up after 4-5 hours of sleep and spend all day with the kids before I have to go to work. Then I stop and realize, I have to be awake anyway so, I should be doing more around the house. I just can't seem to find the motivation. I would rather read a book, play with my kids, or watch TV.

The other thing that annoys me is that there are women out there who do it all. There are full time career women who make it home, make dinner, clean the house and read their kids books, have time to look gorgeous and then have crazy, passionate sex with their husbands. What are they on?! and how do I get some? Or are they just more motivated than I am? And if so, how do I motivate myself?

So, this is where this mission came from. I hope I find the motivation and energy I need.